Wednesday, February 11, 2009

How could I ever do this if it weren't for GRACE

i never realized how hard it is to be a mom and a student, more specifically a nursing student, because nursing school is hard and very consuming. It is so hard to be all things to all people with out not crashing occasionally. Last night was one of those nights for me, I crashed. I felt like the worst mom ever for not doing anything for Kaylin's birthday, I only spent like 10 min. with her because I had a test today I had to study for last night. I had to miss her Valentines program at school, and I have been fighting with Stefan since Sunday. I would like say it will get better now that the test is over but I feel like there is always some new pressure as soon as one goes away. I feel pressed in on every side and am so full of guilt it shouldn't be possible. I am glad I love a God who is full of grace and have kids that will remember this season through the eyes of grace. They won't remember what I didn't do like I do, which only tortures myself, they will remember what I did do. I am thankful that God gives kids the ability to remember the good things, I just wish as an adult we could let things go and remember things through the eyes of grace. Remember the good things people did or the fun times. I for one need to learn that lesson. I am grateful for a wise dad who shared that advice with me, can't claim it, I'm definitely not that smart yet!
I don't think I fully understood what I signed up for when I filled out the application and dreamed of going to nursing school. I think there is a reason for that because if we knew what we were getting into, half the things we do we never would have done. Some of the best things in life are also the hardest. This season is one of the harder ones for sure, but I would not change it. I have made some great friends at school and I am doing something I know God has planned for me and that I can use to demonstrate his love. With everything else all I can do is my best and have hope that God's grace covers things that aren't so good, fixes things that aren't right, finishes things that aren't done, and keeps me strong when I want to fall apart.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

This too will pass!!! We love you. Mom & Dad

✿.:DiXiE:.✿ said...

Keep your head up...it's sometimes hard to see that things will eventually get better when you're in the thick of things...but they will. And you'll all be much happier in the long run!!!