Panic for no Reason

Today was the first time I have taken Kaylin to school and not been able to walk her to her classroom. Starting this week we can't go down the hall unless we sign in. So what can I do? I can stand at the beginning of a very, very long hall with all the other nervous moms and watch her walk to her room and pray she finds it and doesn't get lost or scared. The only problem with all this watching is other kids and adults who get in the way and I can't see her. Her classroom is at the very end of the Hall, whoever thought putting 3rd grade at the beginning and Kindergarten and the end was a good idea didn't clear it with me or the other nervous moms, I mean, it makes no sense.

Any way, after loosing sight of her at the end I panicked and thought she went to far; I imagined her realizing she missed her room and panicking and crying so I ran down the hall with out signing in to make sure she was okay. To my very pleasant and relieved surprise, she was safe and happy in her class. I guess the moral of the story is relax Tracy Kaylin can do this and she knows where she is going. Letting go is so hard!

More First Day of School Stories.

Last, but certainly not least, it is Alyssa's turn to start school. Yesterday was Alyssa's first day of school, she could not have been more excited, me, well I handled it better than kaylin's first day, no tears!! In my defense, I had a lot more going on Monday that made me emotional, and it is kindergarten after all, you are supposed to cry.

She was so excited, she just had to wear her backpack and carry her own nap mat just like a big kid, and let me say she looked so big carrying her stuff in and walking down the hall. She couldn't wait to get to her class and play with the dolls and paint. She didn't even look back once inside, my big brave, confident girl!

Leaving her was bitter sweet, it is a strange thing to be taking her to school. For two years I have been taking Kaylin to Fielder, so to be dropping off Alyssa was different. It really made me realize how fast she is growing up. Sometimes I still see her as being so young while other times I forget she is only three because of the way she plays.

Well, the schloemp girls are officially all in school now!! I have survived my first week and feel like I am keeping up pretty well, as long as I get a million chapters read this weekend. Kaylin and Alyssa end there first week tomorrow and I think they both are feeling really exhausted with this new schedule. Did I mention we get a three day weekend to recover from all the first week excitement? I am so excited you just have no idea!!! Thank you Labor Day!!!!

She is so excited to be going to school "like a big kid"

All the Super Stars.

"The sun's in my eyes!" As I force her to pose for yet another picture, "just one more, I promise," is what I always say.

Kindergarten or Bust!! Nursing School or Bust!!!

Could there be anything else?!!!

But wait, Alyssa starts Wednesday, ARGH! NO MORE CHANGES!!!!!

Can't take any more change or I am going to emotionally self implode, or at least that is how I am feeling right now. My senses are so overloaded that I can't even talk about the situations without crying and I mean sobbing. I never thought I would be this upset or sad about my kids starting school and me getting more breaks, I mean, hello, freedom, every stay at home mom's dream. I should have been bouncing off the walls, but instead I just wanted to run and get me girls and stay home with them forever, is it to late, can I stop the world and freeze time, PLEASE!!!. It is happening all to fast and I just need my babies.

So, needless to say, these emotional breakdowns have been very surprising. I think had it just been one thing at a time I probably could have handled it a lot better, but all at the same time; that is just too much for any mom to handle. I think for any mom it is a hard thing to handle your kids growing up and you not being directly involved in as much of their daily routine. I mean, I pretty much gave my baby to a total stranger who will see her more than I will and will be involved her her daily routines more than me, and this will happen every year and when I blink she is going to be graduating High School. It is all just not fair, that fastness with which they grow up.

But anyway, here is a conversation I had with Kaylin on my break after she got home from school today.

KAYLIN: "Mom I got to play with Chloe on the play ground today, Chloe's Mom came and had lunch with her, how come you didn't come?"

ME: fighting tears and wanting desperately to explain that Mommy would have loved to have been able to have lunch with her but couldn't because she had to be at school. but instead all I could get out was "well . . . "

KAYLIN: "You can come tomorrow? Right?"

ME: "Yes!!! baby, I will come tomorrow."

KAYLIN: "You promise, don't forget."

ME: "I promise," thinking I hope this doesn't bite me in that she doesn't let me leave and we both have a melt down.

Needless to say I will be having lunch with her tomorrow and I hope she handles me leaving well.

Walking to School, so far so good!

I feel the same way!

I made this for her last night so she would have something from me to celebrate her first day of school, I know cheezy mom, but you have no idea the guilt associated with not being there, or maybe some of you do, it is a powerful motivator.

Here we go, off to the big world of Kindergarten, her life will forever be changed!

I realize I am being so dramatic, but on some level, even though I know it is exagerateed, this is how I am feeling right now.

First Day of School- Big Tears all Around

I just took Kaylin to school and needless to say if you know the Schloemp girls, we were both crying, it was a boo-hoo event. Thank goodness for Stefan being there and being able to calm her down and get her situated. I have to pull myself together now and get ready to go to my first day nursing school, so wish me luck but I will get pictures up tonight.

It's official!!

I am officially registered and paid in full for nursing school; all the books have been purchased, the supplies gathered, and the backpack is almost packed, no turning back now. Here I go, with so many unplanned details and so many things that are uncertain, the only thing I know is I am supposed to be here at this time pursuing this degree and because of those facts I know God will take care of the things I can't figure out.

Gripes and Hope all at one time,

Have you ever really needed people in a big way for something that was really important and you thought you could count on them and then at the last minute they bail on you. This has happened to me today. I am scheduled to start nursing school Monday and I thought I had family lined up to help me with Alyssa, apparently I thought wrong. Both of them decided to commit to other things and pursue personal interests instead. Nursing school is something I have been dreaming about and planning for two years now and now that it is here it is falling apart and I am scared. It really hurts when you rely on people and they let you down.
The other day I was talking about it with my Dad and he reminded of why I should be doing this. In all the recent planning I lost track of why I wanted to be a nurse and made it about freedom and a great paycheck. The truth is I originally chose to pursue nursing to help and serve new moms. It is a desire I know God put in my heart and I need to be reminded why I am doing this and that if I am doing this to serve God he will take care of the details and get me where he wants me; he did get me in the program when no one else still taking sciences got in except me. Thanks Dad for reminding why I am doing this. I am glad I let my "know it all" attitude down and listened to you, you are right. I can only do so much and if I am doing this for God then I can and have to trust him for the rest.
If I am going to follow that train of thought, and I am, that means I have to trust God to put people in place to take care of Alyssa. I have to trust God for time to study. I have to trust God to provide income when Stefan has to stay home with her. And I have to trust God to work all the details out that I can't figure out.
Any way, here goes nothing. I know this will all work out but for the moment I am very scared and I am trying to take it one day at a time.

The Circus is in Town!

Today marked a historic day for kaylin, one she will mark down in her own mental history books; the day she went to the Circus for the first time!

Before the show we got to go back stage and see the animals and go on the Circus floor and see the performers and meet the clowns. It was so great, I have always wanted to go down on the stage and finally as an adult with my daughter, I got to do it.

It was so much fun, in a way I loved it even more going with her because I get to live out my childhood fantasy through Kaylin and not feel silly doing it without any kids, as was our usual way in the past. It was so magical seeing the Circus through her eyes. She was so curious about everything and every thing was amazing. It really made me think how all of life should really be approached that way; with wonder and amazement and great curiosity. Who knows, we might actually enjoy it more and get more out of it. Just food for thought, a little rambling if you may.

It was by far the best day I have ever spent with kaylin, I can't wait to take Alyssa. There is nothing better than experiencing the Circus with your child for their first time, I would not trade it for the world and it was worth the price, including the over priced stuffed animal souvenir she picked out (a white tiger named snowflake of course) and the way over priced cotton candy with the hat! You know those MasterCard commercials: $50.00- Circus tickets for Three, $19.00- stuffed white tiger, $12.00-Cotton candy with cool circus hat, $3.00-Gatorade for Dad, seeing the Circus through your five year old daughters eyes for the first time-PRICELESS

There are some valuable lesson I did take from this experience for next time with Alyssa. Definitely take a back pack that looks like it is for your kid and buy drinks and snacks at the much cheaper gas station on the way so you can have more money for the expensive toys, and take a camera with a great zoom and flash range. That's all, follow those tips and your Circus experience can be complete!